The Freedom in Choice
You know those weeks when you just have a bad attitude simmering under the surface? Yeah that was me the last little while. Comparison, jealousy, stress, and various other emotions all tumbled together into one ugly pile just under the surface of my life. I have to make supper again. Why do we have these finicky, dependent dairy cows? We’ll never go on vacation again! How come they get invited to go on adventures and we don’t? Oh yeah, probably the two kids and the dairy cows. I have to parent this two year old — can’t I send her to Grammy’s for a while? I think I am going to start acting like her soon… I’m probably the only one who ever has weeks like this :)
During my downward spiral, I happened to be listening to a podcast on goal setting. Through the course of the podcast, a mention was made of the difference between using the words have to and choose. That caught my attention. Is it true that I have to make supper? No, I do not have a compulsory reaction that results in supper being made. I choose to make supper or I choose to not make supper. Each is a legitimate option with different outcomes. Do I resent the fact that I have kids and dairy cows? Looking back, each was a deliberate choice. I can choose to look at those past choices and resent them or I can choose to embrace them in the moment that I am in and love the choice that I made in the past.
Living with the perspective of have to makes me the victim in my everyday life. I am under obligation to do whatever it throws at me in the moment, as if I am a marionette on a stage. But, if I can slow down and live with the perspective of choice, I find that all along I am actually in control of what I do. The freedom to choose suddenly reminds me that I am actually in control of what I do and how I respond to my life. I do have to take responsibility for what I decide and the outcomes, but the weight of feeling out of control is gone and I can deliberately choose how I want to direct my life and my attitudes.
This perspective shift (along with some repenting) has made a world of difference in my life. I no longer feel helpless and trapped, I have a choice. I can live out the choices I make with purpose and intention. I can rejoice with others when they get to go on vacation, since comparison and jealousy no longer cloud my view. I can lay down what “victim me” felt were my rights and look at where my choices have led my life and enjoy where I am at and make plans to move forward. I can serve my family with love instead of obligation. I think that has been the biggest blessing. I have the choice to love and give out of that love to my family instead of obligation, guilt, and just a bad attitude.
What about you? Have you thought about the difference between I choose versus I have to?
