The Seed of the Issue

A few weeks ago, I was having one of THOSE evenings. I had a headache and all I wanted to do was go to bed. It was 9:30 PM and Tim and I were ready to be between the sheets.

Somehow both of the girls had been replaced by two energizer bunnies.

Eva was telling her stuff animals stories, singing the ABC’s, and I am not sure what else, Bekah seemed to have invented an exercise program that consisted of crawling as fast as she could between her crib and our bed over and over again, Tim was exhausted and sleeping, and I was not thinking very kind thoughts about anyone :(

I told Eva to be quiet. I took animals away. I threatened. It wasn’t working at all. I was getting more and more frustrated and, to be quit honest, my selfishness levels were heading off the charts.

“I am tired.”

“I deserve sleep.”

“You, dear children, are standing in the way of my much needed (and deserved) rest.”

“Everyone! Just GO TO SLEEP!!!!!!!”

I walked around with Bekah for a bit until she fell asleep. With one down that left one to go, I glanced a the clock — 11 PM. “Great. I wanted to be in bed an hour and a half ago.”

I was wondering what to do with Eva. Ramp up discipline for not being quiet and going to sleep? That seemed the only option left. Then God stepped into my small pause and nudged me. “Did you give her, her goodnight hug?”

“Oh no! I forgot to give her that!”

Eva happily climbed out of bed and gave me a giant hug. “Oh Mommy, I had the best time outside tonight! I made a garden with plants in it for Bekah…..”

She told me all about her evening and the things that were really important to her. We snuggled for a bit longer and then Eva climbed back into bed and went to sleep.

I crawled into bed thinking about what happened. I almost crushed a beautiful moment with Eva out of my selfish and entitled state. My own inner ugliness almost swallowed up my ability to see what Eva needed.

She didn’t need discipline. She needed time. She needed to feel important to me. She needed to be loved in a way she understood it best.

I have been thinking about it since. It isn’t so much the behavior in front of me that is the issue, but a much deeper seed, in both my girls’ lives and mine too.

I have been trying to pause and look for the “seeds” to address instead of tackling behaviors head on. I am so thankful for a Heavenly Father that pauses me, even when I don’t ask for it, and shepherds me on His path instead of mine!

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